Thursday, August 28, 2008

Manifesto!

If you hadn’t noticed my thoughts and view points are a bit on the
surrealist side.  Ok more than a bit. Call me a dreamer…no ,
really go ahead. it’s obvious. Anyway, I was looking up UFO
sightings because yes,I’m morbidelly fascinated with the thought
of space and space travel and life outside of what we know. Through
research, one topic led to another until I came across a poem by
Andre Breton.  I was instantly captivated by his ability to take a
thought, some of my own actually, and dissect them further
than I could imagine them to be.  Anyway this is an excerpt
from his Manifesto of Surrealism and following
is a poem I wrote in response……

Manifesto of Surrealism
by
André Breton

1924

[It is interesting to note the similarities this work shares
with The Art of Noise, a manifesto proposing an
entirely new approach to music. --LMC]

So strong is the belief in life, in what is most fragile in
life–real life, I mean–that in the end this belief is lost.
Man, that inveterate dreamer, daily more discontent with
his destiny, has trouble assessing the objects he has been
led to use, objects that his nonchalance has brought his
way, or that he has earned through his own efforts, almost
always through his own efforts, for he has agreed to work,
at least he has not refused to try his luck (or what he calls
his luck!). At this point he feels extremely modest: he
knows what women he has had, what silly affairs he has been
involved in; he is unimpressed by his wealth or his poverty,
in this respect he is still a newborn babe and, as for the approval
of his conscience, I confess that he does very nicely without it.
If he still retains a certain lucidity, all he can do is turn back
toward his childhood which, however his guides and mentors
may have botched it, still strikes him as somehow charming.
There, the absence of any known restrictions allows him
the perspective of several lives lived at once; this illusion
becomes firmly rooted within him; now he is only interested
in the fleeting, the extreme facility of everything. Children
set off each day without a worry in the world. Everything is
near at hand, the worst material conditions are fine. The
woods are white or black, one will never sleep.

~in response….

A Surrealist Thought


If we bring to light this child like yearning…
what deeper enlightenment,
what shuddered thought have we forfeited?
Imagination and fairytales,
nurtured by them
weened from them
until “reality” takes precedence!!

what then?
these thoughts of love,thiscraving for the sunlight
for this dreaming…
are only things of the past?
“at some point you have to let it go…”
let yourself drown in the ocean of compliance
but my imagination rebels against this sentiment
 
if we bring to light this adolescent needing
if we forget the limitations
push past the ordinary and reclaim this innocence
what really have we lost?

don’t we need this?
more acutely than any physical addiction?
desperately? like a dying thirst!
and like the promise of the shapen waters
endless in possibility…
we need this
 
if we bring this to light
if we together grasp
give willingly
take it back to the begining
take it back to the start of this journey
take it all the way back
couldn’t  we float
just a little further down this river
of thought?

Posted by Shira at 05:01:59 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Thursday, July 24, 2008

poetic thoughts

Please give me insight. I had a great outpouring today. :)
sweet dreams darling

*She

She
Rises in the balance
Upward straining,
toward this feverish pitch
Water limbed
she whispers for the touch
what, wondering,absolutely is…
this glorious hurting?
Must
this sharp, sweet aching
take?
wrists contained
lest her pulse
should betray
Accepting
this deep invasion
moving, thrumming sensation
innocent enlightenment!
Come
heavy lightness
come heaven!
disapearing thought
only touch, taste, sound
utterly giving!
Cresendo
building greatly
pure and bright
this complex straining!
this golden release!
Emerging
from the eclipse of his form
freedom betrayed
finding freedom, in his mastering
of her body
what absolutely, we must bare
before your beautifull, can be bared

~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

~* No Title
Diverted from the duty of promise
this solid gut yearning!
he expounds on this racing sensation
condencing the power of passion,
until the atoms colide!
what a sickness are we…
aching for the dillusion!
This Phantom deep!
churning desires in the pit of my being
corrupted by the taste of his memories
bittersweet these tears you emit, 
soak them into my spirit and feed!
what a needing are we…
what nourishment!
Strange Democracy…
scratching at the walls of dignity
the pride of your long legged loving..
permiates through me,the energies of heaven!
peculiar affection
thick limbed with longing!
what a sensation are we…
waiting on the tragedy of pain
Yellow-hued strides
and bright eyed, you acknowledge this decay
full well knowing that maybe….Suddenly!… gone
and who will be the recipient?
tragic heart, fierce hammering!
what a joke are we…
prolonging the loss
Burgundy and shaded, these shadows?
knotted feeling, insanity gives to me!
clumsy eloquence, your heated words
condenscing this heated breath upon my flesh
grasping wildly to keep it pure
and primal
I love you!
what a sweet sickness

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 *No Title
Dilute
the ratio of things learned
to happenings known
we’re closing in on confusion
cursed by this common blood!
Pardon
this heavy tongue
wishfull imaginings
and crying against the dark!
twisting free of our endeavors,
we lose the exotic air.
Cured
I am!
from the transfer of dissilusionment
the direction of  commonplace
it is a finding
though most will never strive to find it
Explode
the mist of our airy thoughts
into tiny pin pricks of direction
the earth is giving up slowly
and all their eyes have gone dead
Posted by Shira at 05:36:20 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Saturday, July 12, 2008

at the end of the day

*At the end of the day
At the end of the night, at the end of the moment
it was me leaving in love.
It was me, tossing wishes of happiness
upon my father’s grave.
Enchating the moon from the sky.
In this presepous, in this dark alley
where music notes lye dying
It was me passing them by
Wishing for something more
Praying for a deeper enlightenment.
At the end of the day, at the end of the road
It was me drowing in the path
Searching for myself in deep streams. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i found this looking through an old poetry book today on lunch.  i know i’ve been silent lately.  i’ve spent most of my free time making jewelry for the girls at work.  i promise there will be more to come this weekend. sweet dreams all.

Posted by Shira at 03:49:01 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

all is well

“….you hold me with out touch”

i sit here staring into the screen. and the
music plays on repeat. i can’t get enough
of it.  it sounds like a crying when she sings.
it makes me want to lay down next you
and just look at your face. too many minutes
with out you.  i don’t think you’ll ever really
understand just how much… just how much.

“…something always brings me back to you.
it never takes too long.”

it makes me think of what water feels like.
have you ever gone swimming at night
alone? just laid back in the water and looked
up at the sky? i think of  holding my dads hand
in the grocery store. when i was little. such soft
 hands. soft as water.

“….i want nothing more, than to drown in your
love.”

right now i’m half watching a tv show. on
mute of course, but with sara bareilles
singing. over…and over on the lap top. the
soft fuzzy brown blanket on my lap. angel
with her head half on my knee, dozing. the
lights sort of dim. an african family in a small
tribe. the woman just had a baby girl.  she bathes
her and does a small ritual of  passing the child
around the hut for kisses to the forehead. then she
 looks at her and cradles herin her hands and
rocks back and forth, tired,exhausted really. just
 looking into her face and crying softly.
 instant unfathomable love.

“….you loved me cuz i was week, but i thought
that i was strong.”

we search so much for ourselves. in accomplished
tasks. in the thought of others. in pay checks
and others faces, in their thought of us.  i think
of  darlene passing…i think of his grandma passing…
i think of my father passing….and i just can’t
understand my own selfishness sometimes. my
own thoughts.  it’s so cliche but it’s so true.
most deaths really are just un expected. i don’t
want to leave any bad thoughts of me on the table
if something un expected happens. i just want my
husband and my daughter and my family to know
how much i love them and that i was mostly a good
person. or atleast
i hope so.

its been a while since i’ve been here. mothers day,
my birthday, natalies, momma’s , dougs, fathers
day…good times. chip’s got a new job and he’s 
really liking it. i’m very glad he’s happy.
aiva’s in a new day care and she’s
grown so much just in her last month there.
all is well.

“….something always brings me back to you.
it never takes too long

Posted by Shira at 02:49:16 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Friday, May 16, 2008

softly…

soft
the touch of your words against my spirit
caressing gently the many expectations of my being
i’m held in captivity, anticipating the next words
softly
creating a world of sunlight and inconsistency
but my spirit thrives from the new !….  and it’s you
butterfly wings against my heart
still
i. hear the turmoil in their complaints
but i’m lost in the dream of what could  be
how can we focus so much on the pain?
the pleasure is blinding in brilliance!
softly
the touch of your words gliding across myself
lost in the many possibilities of what loving you means
my spirit loved and loving
softly

~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i love my family. i love you guys. *sweet dreams. blessings.

Posted by Shira at 03:44:47 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Thursday, May 15, 2008

something lovely

~* you are  *~

you’re an empty bottle. breaking. ringing out like a bell. no shattering movements. you simply break apart. it’s always been.

you’re an earthquake. heavy womanly feeling. there settling in my womb. there debating my many choices. there empty.

you’re a muttered word. i hate your form and formats! but bring me life like you have… nothing yet described. bring me life. bring me passion!

you’re a deep connection. and they form the rivers and river beds don’t they? polishing the stones into glass. bringing life and movement. bring me meaning.

you’re the heaviest matter in my universe. this “heaviness of being”. such a something…… something.
 

something lovely.

~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

there on the moon

Current mood: froggy
 


close your eyes.


she’s a fairy sitting on the moon. ever lasting memories and dark dotted skys. she twinkles like the light in my eyes.

i close my eyes and imagine her sitting there on the moon in her silence. i sit alone in the car. here on this busy highway. wizzing by me, so quickly, so inclined…to decline. my presence. her silence on the moon.

it’s a buzzing street light. this grating in my mind. there in your mind. so “full of shit!…all this shit swimming in my mind” yes. she feels this too.

floating in the seeds.” be there. just be there. so we can talk about it. just talk about it” close your eyes and i’ll close mine…

my thoughts of you are like suspended tear drops. there hovering above your eye lash lines. can you feel the horizontal movements the world is making? and we’re caught of kilter aren’t we? swaying, and they wizz by so confidently don’t they? don’t they.

she sits there on the moons tip. wrapped in silence, watching the world below her. no one hears your footsteps. not on the moon, do they?

i feel them here. sitting in my car. wrapped in silence. watching the world outside of me. just going by so quickly. i feel you here. inside myself. 

i’ll close mine.

Posted by Shira at 03:20:24 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Friday, May 9, 2008

more words

Thursday, May 08, 2008
 

substance
 
Current mood: blissful

cheers. as always, here cheers! i say to you in broken sentences over miles and miles of light and sound. flashing through . lightening.

you’ve got visions in your head of what you think i could be. no it’s not true. it really is this all the time. i really am THAT obsessed.

oh well.

special.
 memories.

it’s all just a feeling inside you think you need to have. and you think these words , meaning. these words….hold meaning,meaning, meaning! no substance. at all.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

saviour

Current mood: calm

Category: Writing and Poetry

you come to me like some great hidden moment, who are you and who are you and who are you and why?!

you’ve got secrets in your spirit, years of yearning crowded behind an invisible dam you’ve created all on your own. breathe! it’s so useless!

all encompassing,you are,like a thunderstorm! sweep and destroy and degrade and demolish you and everything on the way to your front door. but i’m too tired and i’m just too tired and I’m just TOO damn tired of these paths!…never knowing the directions except the footprints i’ve made…and it’s leading me home. that’s beauty.

you come to me like some great transgression, but I won’t be a statistic. i won’t be just another notch on this inconsiderate belt of weakness.

i won’t be anyones personal saviour.

Sunday, May 04, 2008
 

deep rivers

Current mood: luminous


deep rivers of “what must I be”

it’s a longing… a longing..a longing to fall

this vertigo

this bone deep ache

but the drowning is not reaccurant

or rather the outcome is catyclismic

fatal

can i withstand?

ive got deep rivers running through my veins

deep oceans in my blood

and they’re fathomless

god only knows…and the aching…always!

searching for answers

diving in again and again

but always gasping for breath…my fingers empty

Deep rivers and they pull

a great undercurrent and i’m powerless

I am powerless?

am i powerless?

who ever really knows

too many questions

i take them into myself in great satisfying gulps

asperating them into my lungs

letting them fill my belly

letting them fill my soul

until i’m drifting off

Deep rivers

and they flow constantly

what nonsence, so trivial…

still….i can’t seem to let them go….
Posted by Shira at 05:01:41 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

The Theatre!

So dinner theatre with momma in law sunday afternoon. We drove into Indiana about noon, had dinner at the theatre and watched the foot notes perform (marvelous!) before the play began. Thoroughly Modern Milly! About a small town girl that goes to the big city in the roaring 20’s! it was just beautifull!
 
Mi-mi, natalie and I saw Phantom of the Opera in January down at the Center for the Arts, which was the Broadway tour so of course the show was marvelous! But these actors and actresses at the dinner Theatre were just as good…i mean really…clear, gorgeous voices…great acting…and they danced, tap danced the entire time! it made me miss the Donna Brooks Dance Academy…nix that, not miss it…just miss the tap shoes. but mi mi’s already talked me back into the slippers,lol…next are the tappers.

Anyway (tangent,sorry) really just a great show! and we were so close to the stage I kept tapping it with my toe. such talent. beautifull!


Afterwards momma and I met Chip and Aiva at Grandpas to see Uncle Bob and Aunt Janet. I liked them both  instantly. Had a good visit. And then afterwards back home where Aiva and I drew with sidewalk chalk in the drive way and Chip grilled cheeseburgers (and sprayed my butt with the spray bottle for the grill! there was a butt print on the sidewalk where i was sitting,Lol).

So I had a really great Sunday! And I’ve got Chip home everynight this week because he’s working days this week ::grins:: I’m gunna cuddle him so much he’s going to be begging to go back to nights but next week,lol.

Sweet dreams darlins!

Posted by Shira at 05:15:49 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Thursday, April 17, 2008

grasping at darkness

I feel you like a drum beat
your presence like a steady cresendo
the look of you, phrases and movements
intrigue me always
i feel you beneath my blood
what is there to hold back?!
we’ve centuries beneath our blood
sunlight and galaxies
too little inspiration!
and too many things to accomplish!
yet we live life like a suicide
waiting for our moments to end…pushing it along
until we’re lost
grasping at darkness
pleading
i feel your love like the earth beats
each step one more forward towards what can be
moving me like freedom
loving me like starlight

~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

today marks 9 years that my dads been gone. how am i supposed to feel about that? i’ve felt like throwing up all day. the thought of crying keeps entering my head.  i keep pushing it back. how stupid to cry. people say “i know he’s in a better place” but mostly thats a bs phrase we use to makes our selves feel better. i can’t guarantee that he’s in a “better” place. But I can say that knowing the kindo f man/husband/father/son that my dad was. strong, beautifull christian man. i beleive he’s with God.

i can’t help it. the tears keep coming. it’s pissing me off for some reason. he died when i was 15. i’m 24, when in the hell is it going to get any easier?! i miss him so damn much i can’t stand it. i want him to know chip. i want him to kiss aiva. i want him here on christmas and easter and birthdays and just any damn day!! i know he was hurting. i know he’s not hurting anymore. i just hate it! i hate it that i can’t see him.  i hate it that it matters so much still. i hate it that i worry i’m a horrible person and he’s disapointed in me. i hate it that my family has fallen apart since he left.

i’m just emotional and ranting. please don’t respond to this. i know tomorrow will be better.

Posted by Shira at 02:54:32 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

all i ask of you

No more talk of darkness, forget these wide eyed fears
I’m here, nothing will harm you
my words willl warm and calm you

Let me be your freedom
let daylight dry your tears
I’m here, with you beside you
to guard you and to guide you

Say you love me, every waking moment
turn my head with talk of summer time
Say you need me with you, now and always
promise me that all you say is true

That’s all I ask of you…

Let me be your shelter
let me be your light
your safe, no one will find you
your fears are far behind you

All i want is freedom
a world with no more night
and you, always beside me
to hold me and to hide me

Then say you’ll share with me
One love, one life time
let me lead you from your solitude
Say you’ll need me with you
here, beside you

Anywhere you go, let me go too
Love me, that’s all I ask of you…

Say you’ll share with me
One love, one lifetime
Say the word and I will follow you

Share each day with me
Each night, Each morning

Say you love me
you know I do

Love me, that’s all I ask of you…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just a little Phantom of the Opera for you.

<object width=”425″ height=”355″><param name=”movie” value=”http://www.youtube.com/v/Sp0ccQVy1og&hl=en”></param><param name=”wmode” value=”transparent”></param><embed src=”http://www.youtube.com/v/Sp0ccQVy1og&hl=en” type=”application/x-shockwave-flash” wmode=”transparent” width=”425″ height=”355″></embed></object>

i had to add this. This is Sara Brightman, who Andrew Lloyd Webber was just completely captivated by  when he was casting for the remake of phantom that he did in the mid 80’s. Here she is singing with Andrea Bocelli, obviously a famous Opera Singer.  I just listen to this with my eyes closed and i can understand…beautifull.

Posted by Shira at 06:20:22 | Permalink | Comments (1) »