a place of becoming

I meet people every day. That is I meet the people I’ve met over and over again every day. I learn new things. Sometimes it’s uplifting. Sometimes it’s a bit crushing. Sometimes it’s endearing. Other times it’s heart breaking.

How can I come in contact with these people everyday and in a moment my perception of them has changed again. So quickly. I think I expect too much from others and maybe not enough from myself.

(names have been changed for privacy reasons)

Eric has been sad lately. He and his girlfriend of nearly 7 years recently broke up. He was going to ask her to marry him this weekend. “I don’t know what to do now. I don’t know where I’m going now. What am I going to do?” And what do I tell him? How on earth do I have the answers? I’m just a silly 24 year old  woman who’s way of thinking hasn’t changed much since the 10th grade. So I mumble something artificially sweet. And it’s horrible of me.

Mi mi. Dear Mimi who’s held on to innocence and beauty till the age of 22.  She’s definately one in a million simply due to that fact. And she is one of my sister soul mates, we share the same wedding day. Her husbands grandmother died a few days after the wedding, today his other grandmother passed away. And dear mimi cry’s silently at her desk. Not because she was very close to this woman, or had even met her, but she knew miles away her husband was crying silently at his desk and his mother and father cried silently by her bedside. And her spirit simply didn’t know how to handle their hurting. “I’m not worried for me but for my husband and now my family. I hurt when he cries. I don’t see him cry often. It breaks my heart” and I can feel the incredible love she feels for this man. Her Knight. Her Husband. And I want to take just a small piece of that and give it to every married couple I’ve ever known. Maybe then there wouldn’t be so many straying husband and wives. Searching for something just within reach and un remembered.

And then there is Karla. Karla with her harsh ways and tough love and soft heart. She gives constantly. Cards and notes. Little gifts. Bags of clothes. Dinner for the office. She comes from a large city back ground, a divorced family. She is hardened. But she’s shaking inside. She preaches of her love for God and her husband and her family. She loves the lord. And she is a good woman. But she’s shaking inside. “I want to get together soon….you’re always so busy! I adore you…I just want you to know that. I think you’re very special.” She writes this to another man in the office. She has proclaimed herself my mentor. Her lil sister. And I’m scared again. Is this what life and love and commitment stand for? And how many others in the office do I know for a fact are doing the same as she is. And my heart crumbles a little. And I lose a little more faith.

These are my days at work.  Mixed with a dash of chaos and angry federal government employees. I cherish the friendships I’ve made.  These are some truly beautifull people. But it’s a bomb for the emotions. And it’s strange.