old and new, refreshed
, I have to say I truly have alot to be thankful for. First and formost my Honeybear. She is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me in my 29 years of life, along with her came Aiva kiki, the 2nd greatest thing. I feel like for the first time i am whole. All 3 of us have been sick for the last couple of days but Aiva seems to have it the worst coughing and sniffling her way through the day trying her hardest to be in a good mood! ( she loves to burp ) thinks its the funniest thing, It’s 12:30 in the morning she keeps coughing and waking herself up and all she says is juice took a big gulp and let out a burp and then chuckles. Shira just took her back to lay her down in my room, I like to keep it cool in there maybe kiki will be more comfortable .I’ll just crash on the couch no bother to me but she is making a big deal out of it. I guess I tell shira I Love her atleast 50 times a day and times like now that just doesn’t feel like enough. She started her new job and since I cant work right now I sit at the house all day only leaving for Physical Therapy or to go to my part time job that I have at night. I miss her so bad thoughout the day I just can’t seem to get her off my mind I don’t think she truly realizes what she truly means to me. So sice she has no Idea that I am writing this Shira I LOVE YOU with all my heart and Soul and that will never change!
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This is a blurb Chip wrote in my old blog in November of 06. I find myself going back to this atleast once a week. and everytime i read it i feel like i’m going to crumble. i still get this huge lump in my throat. i’m telling on myself. i’ve never told him this.
Chip and I have been through alot in the two years we’ve known each other. Some pain. Physical definately and emotional as well. But everytime we look at each other we realize just how special this really is.
I always thought things happen for a reason. But maybe that’s not necesarilly true. Fate is a beautifull thought but i rather like the idea of choice. I think God places us on the road but the predetermination ends there. I think on the road there are paths and paved ways and areas that are rough and trecherous and barely visible. Our choice comes in. I chose to move here at the drop of a dime. I chose to become a mother when I did. I chose to try and raise my baby on my own. I chose to ask Chip on that first date because honestly…i just felt so damn lost and something about the way he looked at me and talked to me, made me feel like i wasn’t invisible anymore…like he understood me somehow, when I didn’t even understand myself.
I look at Chip and my only regres i can say is all of the bull shit i had to go through to get to him. i’m sure if i hadn’t i wouldn’t be the emotional wreck i am. i’m sure we’d avoid most of the disagreements we have, when we have them. i’m sure i wouldn’t be constantly questioning everything, especially myself. i’m sure i’d annoy him alot less. and i’m fairly positive our aiva ki ki would be a while coming, and much fairer in features. but the great thing is I didn’t avoid those shitty experiences. i trudged right through. making irrational and immature decisions. i’m so blessed to have received so many wonderful things from some of my mishaps. the great thing is.he loves me inspite of all this. despite of all this. whatever.
milan kundera said love is just “the first care fully phrased words entered into a womans poetic memory”. and i guess that’s true. because i remember him holding my hands, his eyes soft on my front porch. telling me he felt like he knew i was the one, even though we’d been together so short a time. he just knew it. and they weren’t just words. he gave me so many little bits of his heart. i did love him even then.
and jonathan ashteu said something like “…sacrifice, especially of ones pride. comes just beside love”. and maybe that’s true. because i remember falling in love with him a little during our first date when he (very cheasily) lost a bowling game so that I would have the reward to ask anything of him, i think he was hoping i would ask for a kiss? (lol) nerd.
i love my husband so much. i love you chip.
You are BOTH very lucky
I definitely think you are true soulmates and meant for each other. God works in mysterious ways.
By the way, don’t be too sure that Chip lost that bowling game on purpose. He’s a lousy bowler!