Tuesday | April 22, 2008

The Theatre!

So dinner theatre with momma in law sunday afternoon. We drove into Indiana about noon, had dinner at the theatre and watched the foot notes perform (marvelous!) before the play began. Thoroughly Modern Milly! About a small town girl that goes to the big city in the roaring 20's! it was just beautifull!
 
Mi-mi, natalie and I saw Phantom of the Opera in January down at the Center for the Arts, which was the Broadway tour so of course the show was marvelous! But these actors and actresses at the dinner Theatre were just as good...i mean really...clear, gorgeous voices...great acting...and they danced, tap danced the entire time! it made me miss the Donna Brooks Dance Academy...nix that, not miss it...just miss the tap shoes. but mi mi's already talked me back into the slippers,lol...next are the tappers.

Anyway (tangent,sorry) really just a great show! and we were so close to the stage I kept tapping it with my toe. such talent. beautifull!


Afterwards momma and I met Chip and Aiva at Grandpas to see Uncle Bob and Aunt Janet. I liked them both  instantly. Had a good visit. And then afterwards back home where Aiva and I drew with sidewalk chalk in the drive way and Chip grilled cheeseburgers (and sprayed my butt with the spray bottle for the grill! there was a butt print on the sidewalk where i was sitting,Lol).

So I had a really great Sunday! And I've got Chip home everynight this week because he's working days this week ::grins:: I'm gunna cuddle him so much he's going to be begging to go back to nights but next week,lol.

Sweet dreams darlins!

Posted by Shira at 00:15:49 | Permanent Link | Comments (2) |

Wednesday | April 16, 2008

grasping at darkness

I feel you like a drum beat
your presence like a steady cresendo
the look of you, phrases and movements
intrigue me always
i feel you beneath my blood
what is there to hold back?!
we've centuries beneath our blood
sunlight and galaxies
too little inspiration!
and too many things to accomplish!
yet we live life like a suicide
waiting for our moments to end...pushing it along
until we're lost
grasping at darkness
pleading
i feel your love like the earth beats
each step one more forward towards what can be
moving me like freedom
loving me like starlight

~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

today marks 9 years that my dads been gone. how am i supposed to feel about that? i've felt like throwing up all day. the thought of crying keeps entering my head.  i keep pushing it back. how stupid to cry. people say "i know he's in a better place" but mostly thats a bs phrase we use to makes our selves feel better. i can't guarantee that he's in a "better" place. But I can say that knowing the kindo f man/husband/father/son that my dad was. strong, beautifull christian man. i beleive he's with God.

i can't help it. the tears keep coming. it's pissing me off for some reason. he died when i was 15. i'm 24, when in the hell is it going to get any easier?! i miss him so damn much i can't stand it. i want him to know chip. i want him to kiss aiva. i want him here on christmas and easter and birthdays and just any damn day!! i know he was hurting. i know he's not hurting anymore. i just hate it! i hate it that i can't see him.  i hate it that it matters so much still. i hate it that i worry i'm a horrible person and he's disapointed in me. i hate it that my family has fallen apart since he left.

i'm just emotional and ranting. please don't respond to this. i know tomorrow will be better.
Posted by Shira at 21:54:32 | Permanent Link | Comments (2) |

Tuesday | April 08, 2008

all i ask of you

No more talk of darkness, forget these wide eyed fears
I'm here, nothing will harm you
my words willl warm and calm you

Let me be your freedom
let daylight dry your tears
I'm here, with you beside you
to guard you and to guide you

Say you love me, every waking moment
turn my head with talk of summer time
Say you need me with you, now and always
promise me that all you say is true

That's all I ask of you...

Let me be your shelter
let me be your light
your safe, no one will find you
your fears are far behind you

All i want is freedom
a world with no more night
and you, always beside me
to hold me and to hide me

Then say you'll share with me
One love, one life time
let me lead you from your solitude
Say you'll need me with you
here, beside you

Anywhere you go, let me go too
Love me, that's all I ask of you...

Say you'll share with me
One love, one lifetime
Say the word and I will follow you

Share each day with me
Each night, Each morning

Say you love me
you know I do

Love me, that's all I ask of you...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just a little Phantom of the Opera for you.

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i had to add this. This is Sara Brightman, who Andrew Lloyd Webber was just completely captivated by  when he was casting for the remake of phantom that he did in the mid 80's. Here she is singing with Andrea Bocelli, obviously a famous Opera Singer.  I just listen to this with my eyes closed and i can understand...beautifull.

Posted by Shira at 01:20:22 | Permanent Link | Comments (1) |

Friday | April 04, 2008

Gravity

GRAVITY Song Lyrics

 


Something always brings me back to you.

It never takes too long.

No matter what I say or do I’ll still feel you here ’til the moment I’m gone.


You hold me without touch.

You keep me without chains.

I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.


[CHORUS]

Set me free, leave me be. I don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity.

Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I’m supposed to be.

But you’re on to me and all over me.


You loved me ’cause I’m fragile.

When I thought that I was strong.

But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.


[CHORUS]


I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you’re everything I think I need here on

The ground.

But you’re neither friend nor foe though I can’t seem to let you go.

The one thing that I still know is that you’re keeping me down

 

Something always brings me back to you

It never takes too long

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's playing softly in my ears. no really a little too loud. i see his lips move and i can't tell what he's saying. let me pause it for a moment.  "love you honey bear". I smile at him.

...." you're everything i think i need here on the ground....one thing that i still know is that you're keeping me...."

I hum them lightly. i remember that even with them in my ears. even with the music playing. i can still hear the rain. i can still remember the feel of it seeping into my shoes. I can still remember lyng on my bed when i was 14 with my face on the window sill. lying at the foot of my bed. listening to the rain. i remember it.

..."you hold me with out touch. and keep me with out chains.....I never wanted anything so much, that to drown in your love and not feel your rain....set me freee.....leave me be, i don't want to fall another moment into your gravity...."

Here I am. And really I do stand so tall. ...."you loved me cuz I'm fragile, and I thought that I was strong. but you touch me for a  little while, and all my fragile strength is gone,..."

She knows when she's going. Why the hell can't i get this out of my head. really? really, i barely know her. i know her but she's Chips friend. still she's lovely. or she always has been to me. she knows. why can't i get this out of my head? it's selfish. is it selfish I can't stop thinking about it? i can feel him hurting. i can feel her acceptance. still...

"....no matter what i say or do. i still feel you here, till the moment I'm gone..."

"...I love you...I love you too honey"..that's him and I . Not the song. I have friends at work that have asked about chip and I being together. just in general. "how did you two meet?" and i tell them that he knew and worked with my mom. we didn't really know each other. I was seeing a not so great guy. my mom talked of chip ever single chance she got.always marvelous things. attributes he possessed. i didn't notice. not for a while. one day i did. he looked so wonderfull to me that day. he looks so wonderfull to me today. now.

"....something always brings me back to you...."

at work. she complains about wanting love so badly. marriage and a family. but she gives her body, before she even knows her own heart. the issues are ignored and the minor things dwelled upon daily. maybe i'm not better in my speculations. still I dont understand it. physical acknowledgement...but what is it with out some semblance of meaning? a trace of love? it's empty.

"...never takes too long.."

our days are like bits of some long meaningfull conversation that we're constantly going off into other sub topic. like that metaphorical road with winding, deep and steep paths....like something so pre determined really what's the use? and what's so fresh and new my indivituality IS my insignificance, but why can't THAT be beautifull too?

i'm getting tired. but i look to my right and i'm so in love with him i still kind of want to start crying if i think too hard on it.  isn't THAT what matters?

I hope so.

".......no matter what I say or do. I still feel you here, till the moment I'm gone.



Posted by Shira at 00:50:46 | Permanent Link | Comments (1) |

Wednesday | April 02, 2008

True

* TRUE *


True in this modern world when two lovers get together
Chances of'em ever makin' it to forever
Couldn't be better than two in a million hearts
Girl this ain't just another run of the mill emotion
What I'm feelin' is the definition of devotion
My love for you is true

True , like the sun comin' up each mornin'
Bright as the light in a baby's smile
Sure as a mountain river windin'
Right as the rain fallin' from the sky
Girl my love for you, is true

True, not another minute on this earth can be borrowed
So there's no way to know when I'll live my last tomorrow
But everyday I get, I'll share with you
This feelin' just keeps gettin' stronger as the time goes by
It's written on my face, you can see it in my eyes
My love for you is true

True , like the sun comin' up each mornin'
Bright as the light in a baby's smile
Sure as a mountain river windin'
Right as the rain fallin' from the sky
Girl my love for you, is true

True , like the sun comin' up each mornin'
Bright as the light in a baby's smile
Sure as a mountain river windin'
Right as the rain fallin' from the sky
Girl my love for you, is true

*George Strait

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So i posted this song for two reasons. One because Lissa has been on my mind lately. don't ask me why. just cuz, i guess... so i wanted to post a love song in reference to the rest of my blog and also because Chip has let me know that George Strait is one of, if not absolutely, Lissa's favorite singers. I hope all is well with you Lissa.

 Last night Aiva simply did not want to sleep. She knew The Chipmunk movie was coming out today and we've been promising her for the last two weeks if she kept doing so well with using the potty we would get her the movie on Tuesday when it came out. Aiva's mind here's something once and it is locked into place. She has not forgotten this promise. She was in our room literally every twenty minutes last night with a new request at each turn "i have to go pee pee" we heard atleast 4 times. "I need just a lil drink" came atleast twice and even the old "there's a bumble bee in my room" which is never the case but it sure buys her atleast 5 minutes of mommy grumpily searching her room at 2 am for a non existent bumble bee! so from 1:30 am until about 6 she did this. promises of time outs and even spankings did not work. i popped her leg once and even took things away. she simply was too excited...

anyway, chip's alarm was set for 6:30 and mine for 7. needless to say not much sleep was had, so when i finally did fall asleep it was deep and heavy. my dream was very vivid and I won't ever tell it, but chip was hurting and I wasn't able to help him. i woke up feeling just absolutely lost and disoriented and exhausted, so i had myself a good cry and then hopped in the shower to get ready. i can laugh now, how silly. but all morning i just wanted to run home and curl up beside him and just cry.

i have this horrible fear of Chip hurting and not being able to help him. I'm sure it has something to do with my dad hurting for years and not being able to help him and the constant fear of losing him. i dunno. it's 1:30 am and i'm complaining of no sleep. makes sense i know. sweet dreams darlings, i'll post again tomorrow.
 
Posted by Shira at 01:25:27 | Permanent Link | Comments (2) |

Monday | March 31, 2008

beautifull woman.

everyones searching
for faces in the storm clouds
and happenings in the after math
i'm losing sight in my third eye and begging
for a repreive!

your silence is defeaning
and i'm caught up in the silence of you
you're the epitome of strength and MAN
and i get lost in your mysteries...
every damn day

how can we let go the fairytale?
how can we beleive the truth?
nothing is hope and i absolutely live
for the nothings of life!

you say i  give in too much
what else is there?
we're faced with the mortality of man and its....
truly frightening!

she's leaving in a few months....
can anyone pin point the time?
GoD?...certainly.

a little more time now and she'll find freedom
a little more time now and we'll be touched
a little more time now and who will be remembered?

let go and be free and fly and be loved and make love and just BE!!

she's leaving us in a few months now
but she's here NOW isn't she?
beautifull woman, we all have our time don't we?

this beautifull woman.
just fly.



Posted by Shira at 23:17:23 | Permanent Link | Comments (1) |