Friday, April 4, 2008

Gravity

GRAVITY Song Lyrics

 


Something always brings me back to you.

It never takes too long.

No matter what I say or do I’ll still feel you here ’til the moment I’m gone.


You hold me without touch.

You keep me without chains.

I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.


[CHORUS]

Set me free, leave me be. I don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity.

Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I’m supposed to be.

But you’re on to me and all over me.


You loved me ’cause I’m fragile.

When I thought that I was strong.

But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.


[CHORUS]


I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you’re everything I think I need here on

The ground.

But you’re neither friend nor foe though I can’t seem to let you go.

The one thing that I still know is that you’re keeping me down

 

Something always brings me back to you

It never takes too long

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s playing softly in my ears. no really a little too loud. i see his lips move and i can’t tell what he’s saying. let me pause it for a moment.  “love you honey bear”. I smile at him.

….” you’re everything i think i need here on the ground….one thing that i still know is that you’re keeping me….”

I hum them lightly. i remember that even with them in my ears. even with the music playing. i can still hear the rain. i can still remember the feel of it seeping into my shoes. I can still remember lyng on my bed when i was 14 with my face on the window sill. lying at the foot of my bed. listening to the rain. i remember it.

…”you hold me with out touch. and keep me with out chains…..I never wanted anything so much, that to drown in your love and not feel your rain….set me freee…..leave me be, i don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity….”

Here I am. And really I do stand so tall. ….”you loved me cuz I’m fragile, and I thought that I was strong. but you touch me for a  little while, and all my fragile strength is gone,…”

She knows when she’s going. Why the hell can’t i get this out of my head. really? really, i barely know her. i know her but she’s Chips friend. still she’s lovely. or she always has been to me. she knows. why can’t i get this out of my head? it’s selfish. is it selfish I can’t stop thinking about it? i can feel him hurting. i can feel her acceptance. still…

“….no matter what i say or do. i still feel you here, till the moment I’m gone…”

“…I love you…I love you too honey”..that’s him and I . Not the song. I have friends at work that have asked about chip and I being together. just in general. “how did you two meet?” and i tell them that he knew and worked with my mom. we didn’t really know each other. I was seeing a not so great guy. my mom talked of chip ever single chance she got.always marvelous things. attributes he possessed. i didn’t notice. not for a while. one day i did. he looked so wonderfull to me that day. he looks so wonderfull to me today. now.

“….something always brings me back to you….”

at work. she complains about wanting love so badly. marriage and a family. but she gives her body, before she even knows her own heart. the issues are ignored and the minor things dwelled upon daily. maybe i’m not better in my speculations. still I dont understand it. physical acknowledgement…but what is it with out some semblance of meaning? a trace of love? it’s empty.

“…never takes too long..”

our days are like bits of some long meaningfull conversation that we’re constantly going off into other sub topic. like that metaphorical road with winding, deep and steep paths….like something so pre determined really what’s the use? and what’s so fresh and new my indivituality IS my insignificance, but why can’t THAT be beautifull too?

i’m getting tired. but i look to my right and i’m so in love with him i still kind of want to start crying if i think too hard on it.  isn’t THAT what matters?

I hope so.

“…….no matter what I say or do. I still feel you here, till the moment I’m gone.

Posted by Shira at 05:50:46 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

True

* TRUE *

True in this modern world when two lovers get together
Chances of’em ever makin’ it to forever
Couldn’t be better than two in a million hearts
Girl this ain’t just another run of the mill emotion
What I’m feelin’ is the definition of devotion
My love for you is true

True , like the sun comin’ up each mornin’
Bright as the light in a baby’s smile
Sure as a mountain river windin’
Right as the rain fallin’ from the sky
Girl my love for you, is true

True, not another minute on this earth can be borrowed
So there’s no way to know when I’ll live my last tomorrow
But everyday I get, I’ll share with you
This feelin’ just keeps gettin’ stronger as the time goes by
It’s written on my face, you can see it in my eyes
My love for you is true

True , like the sun comin’ up each mornin’
Bright as the light in a baby’s smile
Sure as a mountain river windin’
Right as the rain fallin’ from the sky
Girl my love for you, is true

True , like the sun comin’ up each mornin’
Bright as the light in a baby’s smile
Sure as a mountain river windin’
Right as the rain fallin’ from the sky
Girl my love for you, is true

*George Strait

——————————————————————————–

So i posted this song for two reasons. One because Lissa has been on my mind lately. don’t ask me why. just cuz, i guess… so i wanted to post a love song in reference to the rest of my blog and also because Chip has let me know that George Strait is one of, if not absolutely, Lissa’s favorite singers. I hope all is well with you Lissa.

 Last night Aiva simply did not want to sleep. She knew The Chipmunk movie was coming out today and we’ve been promising her for the last two weeks if she kept doing so well with using the potty we would get her the movie on Tuesday when it came out. Aiva’s mind here’s something once and it is locked into place. She has not forgotten this promise. She was in our room literally every twenty minutes last night with a new request at each turn “i have to go pee pee” we heard atleast 4 times. “I need just a lil drink” came atleast twice and even the old “there’s a bumble bee in my room” which is never the case but it sure buys her atleast 5 minutes of mommy grumpily searching her room at 2 am for a non existent bumble bee! so from 1:30 am until about 6 she did this. promises of time outs and even spankings did not work. i popped her leg once and even took things away. she simply was too excited…

anyway, chip’s alarm was set for 6:30 and mine for 7. needless to say not much sleep was had, so when i finally did fall asleep it was deep and heavy. my dream was very vivid and I won’t ever tell it, but chip was hurting and I wasn’t able to help him. i woke up feeling just absolutely lost and disoriented and exhausted, so i had myself a good cry and then hopped in the shower to get ready. i can laugh now, how silly. but all morning i just wanted to run home and curl up beside him and just cry.

i have this horrible fear of Chip hurting and not being able to help him. I’m sure it has something to do with my dad hurting for years and not being able to help him and the constant fear of losing him. i dunno. it’s 1:30 am and i’m complaining of no sleep. makes sense i know. sweet dreams darlings, i’ll post again tomorrow.
 
Posted by Shira at 06:25:27 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

beautifull woman.

everyones searching
for faces in the storm clouds
and happenings in the after math
i’m losing sight in my third eye and begging
for a repreive!

your silence is defeaning
and i’m caught up in the silence of you
you’re the epitome of strength and MAN
and i get lost in your mysteries…
every damn day

how can we let go the fairytale?
how can we beleive the truth?
nothing is hope and i absolutely live
for the nothings of life!

you say i  give in too much
what else is there?
we’re faced with the mortality of man and its….
truly frightening!

she’s leaving in a few months….
can anyone pin point the time?
GoD?…certainly.

a little more time now and she’ll find freedom
a little more time now and we’ll be touched
a little more time now and who will be remembered?

let go and be free and fly and be loved and make love and just BE!!

she’s leaving us in a few months now
but she’s here NOW isn’t she?
beautifull woman, we all have our time don’t we?

this beautifull woman.
just fly.

Posted by Shira at 04:17:23 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Saturday, March 22, 2008

jewels jewels

Who Will Save Your Soul
People living their lives for you on TV,
They say they’re better than you and you agree.
She says, “Hold my calls,” from behind those cold, brick walls.
She says, “Come here, boy, there ain’t nothin’ for free.”
Anther doctor’s bill, a lawyer’s bill, another cute cheap thrill.
You know you love him if you put him in your will. But

(Chorus)
Who will save your soul, when it comes to the flowers, now?
Oh, who will save your soul after all those lies that you told, boy?
And who will save your soulds if you won’t save your own?
La da da da di da da la da da ya die.

We try to hustel them, try to bustle them, try to cuss them.
The cops want someone to bust down on Orleans Avenue.
Another day, another dollar, another war,
Another tower went up where the homeless had thier homes.
So we pray to as many diff’rent gods as there are flowers,
But we call religion our friend.
We’re so worried about saving our souls, Afraid that God will take his toll that we forget to begin. But

(Chorus)

Some are walking, some are talking, some are stalking their kill.
Got social security, but that don’t pay your bills.
There are addictions to feed and there are mouhts to pay,
So you bargain with the devil, but you’re OK for today.
Say that you love them, take their money and run.
Say, “It’s been swell, sweetheart, but it was just one of those things,
Those flings, those strings you got to cut,
So get out on the streets, girls, and bust your butts.”

(Chorus)

~Jewel

Posted by Shira at 20:40:29 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Monday, March 17, 2008

let the world spin outside our door…..

Morning Song
Let the phone ring.
Let’s go back to sleep.
Let the world spin outside our door,
You’re the only one that I wanna see.
Tell your boss you’re sick,
Hurry, get back in, I’m getting cold.
Get over here and warm my hands up, boy,
It’s you they love to hold.
And stop thinking about what your sister said.
And stop worry’n about it,
Yes, the cat’s already been fed.
Come on darlin’, let’s go back to bed.

(Chorus)
Put the phone machine on hold.
Leave the dishes in the sink.
Do not answer the door.
It’s you that I adore, (for you I’ll be a poor man’s wife)
I’m gonna give you some more.

We’ll sit on the front porch,
The sun can warm my feet.
You can drink your coffee with sugar and cream,
I’ll drink my decaf herbal tea.
Pretend we’re perfect strangers
And that we never met.
My, you remind me of a man I used to *be with,
That’s a face I’d never forget.
You can be Henry Miller and I’ll be Anais Nin,
Except this time it’ll be even better,
We’ll stay together in the end.
Come on darlin’, let’s go back to bed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Is it bad that most of my blogs are about my husband? I should be talking about other things maybe.
It’s ridiculous how giddy i still feel. I’m not joking. But we’ve only been married six months
so I guess that’s expected. We spoke tonight about feeling equal. I love this feeling.
All of the past relationships…I felt like the door mat or the insignificant one or even the user at times I
suppose.  I’d be absolutely lost with out him. I don’t feel that way with him, and I know he doesn’t feel that way about
me. There aren’t many things at ALL that I can say I’m positive about.  This is one of them.

I love that we talk. that we’re talking now. That I should really be paying attention rather than
typing about how I should be paying attention,LOL. Love you honey, but I’m typing it rather than telling you,
hold on let me tell you…..Ok.

I don’t have anything more tonight. Just a nice warm, full feeling.
I love you honey.

Posted by Shira at 02:30:37 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Sunday, March 16, 2008

fairytales

SARA BAREILLES

 

~* FAIRYTALE *~

 

 

Cinderella’s on her bedroom floor

She’s got a

Crush on the guy at the liquor store

Cause Mr. Charming don’t come home anymore

And she forgets why she came here

Sleeping Beauty’s in a foul mood

For shame she says

None for you dear prince, i’m tired today

I’d rather sleep my whole life away than have you keep me from dreaming

 

Cause i don’t care for your fairytales

You’re so worried bout the maiden
though you know

She’s only waiting
on the next best thing

 

Snow White is doing dishes again cause

What else can you do

With seven itty-bitty men?

Sends them to bed and calls up a friend

Says will you meet me at midnight?

The tall blonde lets out a cry of despair says

Would have cut it myself if i knew men could climb hair

I’ll have to find another tower somewhere and keep away from the windows

 

Cause i don’t care for your fairytales

You’re so worried bout the maiden though you know

She’s only waiting on the next best thing

 

Once upon a time in a faraway kingdom

Man made up a story said that i should believe him

Go and tell your white knight that he’s handsome in hindsight

But i don’t want the next best thing


So i sing and hold my head down and i break these walls round me

Can’t take no more of your fairytale love

 

Cause i don’t care for your fairytales

You’re so worried bout the maiden though you know

She’s only waiting on the next best thing

I don’t care

I don’t care

Worry bout the maiden though you know

She’s only waiting spent the whole life being graded on the sanctity of patience and a dumb

Appreciation

But the story needs some mending and a better happy ending

Cause i don’t want the next best thing

No no i don’t want the next best thing
~S.B

Posted by Shira at 01:33:52 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

falling

” Falling. The experience of falling in a dream suggests that you do not feel in  control or that you need to extract yourself from some situation.   Such dreams commonly occur commonly when you are unable to determine the cause of your uncertainty or are postponing choices or decisions.

  They also might occur when you go to sleep but worry that youw on’t wake when you should or are anxious about being late.

  It is common to dream of falling when you need to wake up and go to the bathroom”
~Dreams-Frank Garfield and Rhondda Stewart-Garfield

I’ve been falling, falling, falling for 24 years now. Nearly twenty five. Haven’t you been as well? I hate the questions. But I love the becoming of them. 

I remember sitting in the library at 19 going through the books. Pictures of the way my town used to look in the early 1800’s. I would press my face to the glossy pages. It drew me in. So so so very much. I wanted to be a part of the pictures. The beauty.The simplicity. The hard ships.

The small town I grew up in, in Ny was known for 4 famous people. Mark Twain (or Samuel Clemens), Hal E. Roach (the creator of the Little Rascals), Eileen Collins ( first female for a number of space missions) and Tommy Hilfiger (popular clothing/apparal designer).
 
Anyway I remember my first real visit to The Historical Meuseum in my small home town. I remember after the 3 hour tour one of the guides asked if anyone wanted to go into the attic for a peak at the newer items that hadn’t been added yet. At twelve years old you can imagine how many of my classmates seemed interested. I jumped at the chance. Me and one girl and one other boy. The girl was later our senior year class Valedictorian,now she works for some web design corporation  in Orlando Florida, and the boy was always in high honors,now is a model in New York City. I’m so random tonight but …I? ….simply couldn’t stop dreaming.

I remember going into the attic and the woman bringing out many large white boxes. She pulled out  2 full evening gowns and laid them out on tables. Valises, and chemises and small gloves. Hand mirrors edged in  silver and tiny brush and comb sets. An old telephone.  A phono-graph(sp?). I wanted to crawl into the items on the table. History just absolutely intrigues me!

The house my husband and I live in belonged to his fathers parents. The basement is full of black and white photos, a dress or two from the 40’s and 50’s, old scarves, bibles, dishes, maps and post cards. Every chance I can I go down and explore.

This is so strange. I started off talking about dreams. Which I suppose is relevent to all of this. In my dreams lately I am walking down a crowded street. It is most likely around the early 1800s’s. I’m wearing a long dress and there are horse drawn carriages pulling women and children and small families. In my dream I’m walking down the street with a 2008 mind frame, trying to blend, knowing I’ve gone back in time somewhow. I feel connected to this time and these people. I’m in love with it. I come to the street corner and wait for a carriage to pass, after they pass and I start walking again I start to stumble and fall into this black hole. At the very bottom I land hard on a concrete floor. When I stand up I’m dressed as modern day and I’m in a large white empty space. Completely empty. Void of any scenery, people or objects.

I dont know where I’m going with this. I’m full of poetry and no words to phrase any of  it. Sweet dreams.

Posted by Shira at 04:07:55 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Monday, March 10, 2008

sorry sister

sorry, sorry sister I can’t subscribe to you. i love you like like my spirit and need you like life. but i don’t
understand you.

my violet. wild flower. random beauty phrases,god! you don’t even know that you matter at all. but you keep me moving,moving.


sorry sister,sorry. you love like fire and settle like ice. i feel the shiver. yeah…it’s in me too. hereditary curse. 


i love you and it’s like nothing. nothing to describe to you my mothers own.


you speak and it’s like lightning. rolling like thunder and just as hard to keep. you say it’s for LIFE only. but i see your hesitation.


sorry sister. i won’t subscribe.

Posted by Shira at 03:55:00 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

old and new, refreshed

, I have to say I truly have alot to be thankful for. First and formost my Honeybear. She is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me in my 29 years of life, along with her came Aiva kiki, the 2nd greatest thing. I feel like for the first time i am whole. All 3 of us have been sick for the last couple of days but Aiva seems to have it the worst coughing and sniffling her way through the day trying her hardest to be in a good mood! ( she loves to burp ) thinks its the funniest thing, It’s 12:30 in the morning she keeps coughing and waking herself up and all she says is juice took a big gulp and let out a burp and then chuckles. Shira just took her back to lay her down in my room, I like to keep it cool in there maybe kiki will be more comfortable .I’ll just crash on the couch no bother to me but she is making a big deal out of it. I guess I tell shira I Love her atleast 50 times a day and times like now that just doesn’t feel like enough. She started her new job and since I cant work right now I sit at the house all day only leaving for Physical Therapy or to go to my part time job that I have at night. I miss her so bad thoughout the day I just can’t seem to get her off my mind I don’t think she truly realizes what she truly means to me. So sice she has no Idea that I am writing this Shira I LOVE YOU with all my heart and Soul and that will never change!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is a blurb Chip wrote in my old blog in November of 06. I find myself going back to this atleast once a week. and everytime i read it i feel like i’m going to crumble. i still get this huge lump in my throat. i’m telling on myself. i’ve never told him this.

Chip and I have been through alot in the two years we’ve known each other. Some pain. Physical definately and emotional as well. But everytime we look at each other we realize just how special this really is.

I always thought things happen for a reason. But maybe that’s not necesarilly true. Fate is a beautifull thought but i rather like the idea of choice. I think God places us on the road but the predetermination ends there. I think on the road there are paths and paved ways and areas that are rough and trecherous and barely visible. Our choice comes in. I chose to move here at the drop of a dime. I chose to become a mother when I did. I chose to try and raise my baby on my own. I chose to ask Chip on that first date because honestly…i just felt so damn lost and something about the way he looked at me and talked to me, made me feel like i wasn’t invisible anymore…like he understood me somehow, when I didn’t even understand myself.

I look at Chip and my only regres i can say is all of the bull shit i had to go through to get to him. i’m sure if i hadn’t  i wouldn’t be the emotional wreck i am. i’m sure we’d avoid most of the disagreements we have, when we have them. i’m sure i wouldn’t be constantly questioning everything, especially myself. i’m sure i’d annoy him alot less. and i’m fairly positive our aiva ki ki would be a while coming, and much fairer in features.  but the great thing is I didn’t avoid those shitty experiences. i trudged right through. making irrational and immature decisions. i’m so blessed to have received so many wonderful things from some of my mishaps. the great thing is.he  loves me inspite of all this. despite of all this. whatever.

milan kundera said love is just “the first care fully phrased words entered into a womans poetic memory”.  and i guess that’s true. because i remember him holding my hands, his eyes soft on my front porch. telling me he felt like he knew i was the one, even though we’d been together so short a time. he just knew it.  and they weren’t  just words. he gave me so many little bits of his heart. i did love him even then.

and jonathan ashteu said something like “…sacrifice, especially of ones pride. comes just beside love”. and maybe that’s true. because i remember falling in love with him a little during our first date when he (very cheasily) lost a bowling game so that I would have the reward to ask anything of him, i think he was hoping i would ask for a kiss? (lol) nerd.

i love my husband so much. i love you chip.

Posted by Shira at 04:58:27 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Monday, March 3, 2008

sleepy nothings

in the chill of indecision. dripping liquid,her  hidden features. she walks softly to the mirror. presses her forhead to the pane. rotating, foggy impressions of  art and metaphorical love. fingers shaping solemnly. she makes a figure un recognized and needed. not needed. vainly yearned for. and it’s just a mess of movement and garbage lyrics!

beat on that drum a little faster. your indecisions burn you! learning lines like lurid love songs. it’s a deep drum beat rythym. taring into footsteps and cross phrases.

you’re dripping the chill of  womanfull words upon me. wait….move just slightly.that’s a girl.  let us pass on through.

Posted by Shira at 04:27:59 | Permalink | Comments (1) »